Sans Titre

AL - FATIHAH

For the passing of Allahyarham Zainal b. Hj. Romli.

Friday, February 6th, 2009.

Beloved father of our dearest friend, Maslinda Ayu.

We send our prayers, and our love your way during these hard times.

Living On A Prayer.

For Linda,

At times like these, we pray for Allah to be by your side in all that you're going through.

We pray that you stay strong in the light of what is happening.

We pray that you restore hope in all those that you love in hopes that they can be as strong as you are, and we know the degree of strength you have in you.

We pray that the light that radiates from you will not fade as that light will help you through this predicament, and help those around you.

We pray that you receive the love, prayers and kisses and hugs that we are sending you, that although you're far away, we're right by your side holding your hand and wiping away your tears.

We pray for daddy and his recovery, so that our baby girl and hug and kiss her father for a longer time.

We love you, girl.

With all the love in the world,
F&D

ciggie smoke in my eyes.ouch.

assignments here, assignments there, assignments everywhere!!!!! need to get started now!!! *pause* maybe later.procrastinator!!!! my middle name..hahahahah! yesterday, we went for kesatria at the Botanical Garden. it was fun. the whole class was there but it seemed like it was only linda and i. haha..crapping away while everyone else was silent. and i kept making her laugh while she was drinking.choking more like it. haha..we love brisk walking.and we're good at it!

Hah...been some time..but i'm back. nuthin much happened really. just been going thru some rough times. hopefully will be okay soon. been hearing some nasty rumours about me too. let's just hope that's all they are.rumours. i dunno why people can't just say what they mean..it's not that hard you know.

i mean, why can't you just say what you mean? Okay, probably you might hurt their feelings for a while..but that's it. it will be fine eventually. hah..where's the harm in telling the truth??? hmm..i guess something went wrong sumwhere when we were growing up. yea, it's noble and all trying not to hurt the one you care about..but you just end up hurting them more when you hide shit like that..well..i hope ur happy now.i'm not.

the vicious cycle.

u know what..sometimes when you tell urself it's gonna be okay, that's when things really won't be okay.period. i dunno, i just feel like it's not gonna end the way i want it to. i just feel like it's gonna stay this way until one of us decide to so something about it. and i doubt i have the courage to do anything abt it. i just feel like it's not gonna happen. like ever.

it used to be fun, really fun. i used to feel special, loved, wanted, and desired. those feelings rarely come around now. and i hate it. i want him. like really really want him. but the thing is when ur in this kind of relationship, u can never seperate the truth from the lies. they are always one of the same and he thinks that's alright. it's not. it never is. when u know that that person will never leave you, will you have the fear of lying? will you ever feel like u'll lose the person if you do something wrong? no. because that person has already shown u signs or even told you they're never gonna leave you. well, i'm that person. so why should he stop lying when he knows
that i won't ever leave him, even if i find out that he's been lying to be face. am i digging my own sorry grave?maybe. if only i could tell him all these things. i used to think i could do so. but i don't feel like that anymore. i guess that's what happens when an affair starts to become a relationship.

why is it that when ur having an affair, the person whom ur having it with would seem like the world's most perfect man. he is the one who understands you the best and he is the one you would turn to, and he is definitely the one who would have the upper hand when you compare your affair with your relationship. an affair seems like the perfect escape from a dissatisfying, boring relationship. but what do you do when the affair starts to become and turn into the relationship that is dissatisfying and boring and most of all heart-breaking? yep, the one you were trying to escape from in the first place. hmm..something to think about, isn't it?

oh, no she didn't!

i just have to get this off my chest! okay, this girl named neeney from our campus actually had the nerve to label us TESL students as retarded. hmm..i guess she cudn't find a dictionary or sumthing. but anyways, she claimed that the TESL students in her mandarin class are retarded and therefore have no charisma whatsoever to become future teachers.

well, i'm not gonna label her in return, i'm gonna say sumthing that i think you might find staggeringly true! first of all, we, TESL students aren't afraid to speak our mind and if we feel like there are things that we can say, we'll say it. we're loud, we're confident and we love it! instead of labelling us as RETARDED, try and observe your kind first. let me take a wild guess, in class, i bet you guys just keep quiet, look down at your uninteresting notes, repeat what the lecturer says like a mindless mime and when you observe a group of students who actually like to have conversations in class and who actually like to be active and participate in class activities, you laugh at them and call them retarded. hmm...it's sad really. honey, you need a mirror.

i feel soo much better now. :)

last place.again.

i woke up today with an eye sore.literally. one eye. redder than the other and itches like a mother. all is under control though...bought some eyedrops at the pharmacy. linda and i killed the frost that was accumulating in our freezer..and got really excited doing it.like we always do. but then, we're getting really good at it.

the rest of the day, i kept on thinking about Him. linda said no..but she can't stop me from doing it if it's in my mind rite? i've been letting Him have his cake and eat it as well. he's got the best of both worlds (if you know wht i mean) and he's loving it. and i'm back where i always end up, sad and depressed over a guy who probably doesn't deserve me in the first place. is it the question of love or is it the question of need? two very different things that we easily confuse ourselves with. what if he is the person you see everyday, does that make him the person you love or who loves you? or do we simply tell ourselves that so that we can bear their presence everyday. so that we feel better when we do spend so much time with that person that it seems like love. in reality really, we need that other person because he makes us feel special, treats us like we are the ones meant to be with them. another question to ask is, do they please us because they want to?because it really is love?because we please them?or so that we please them? i've got all tangled up in your underwear now huh? good.

being the other one, the other person in the picture is never easy. no one wants a stranger in their perfectly framed picture of happiness. we know that, we all know that. but why still, do we subject ourselves to it? why do we let ourselves be slaves to our emotions when we know that there is nothing worst than being the third person. but everytime i tell myself this, it is always overshadowed by his sweet nothings in my ear, passionate kisses and wonderful hugs. i guess that's my weakness. hopeless romantic. since when was that wrong?